On Food Comas and Other Distractions for Your Brain

And it’s not even Thanksgiving!

Yet here is the evidence that it is not just holidays that threaten to take our afternoons and throw them in the trash compactor so that, hours later, you wake up to find darkness has fallen and half your day has been wasted and, evil of all evils, you are hungry again!

In short, either you are a normal human being, overcome by the combination of a full stomach and lack of sleep, or you are a zombie.

If you are a zombie, you can stop reading this now.  You no longer have any use for books and/or writing and/or publishing advice and you should use your fading mental faculties on reliving your favorite memory from when you were alive.  Then get out there and chomp some brain like a good zombie should!

If you aren’t a zombie, this survival guide for food comas:

1. Don’t fight your descent into sleep.  Once your body decides rest is the only option, struggling just makes it worse.  You can’t stop your body from sleeping.  Also, you can’t stop the music.

2. When you return to consciousness, you will be disoriented.  You will find that others in your household may be in food comas as well, unresponsive to your efforts, even though the only food you had was a few kolaches and donuts and – would you believe it? – an energy drink.

3. You may think that the food coma is your enemy.  And, in certain ways, it is.  Your plans for writing are shot.  The house will remain dirty for another day.  All your dreams for exercising are now kaput.  However, sleep is the great distracter.  If, for example, your thoughts have been circling around the hope of “possible agent representation” and you find it hard to focus on much else like the proverbial kid in school staring at the clock on the wall waiting for class to end, then sleep is the great teacher’s-pet-who-is-allowed-to-erase-the-chalkboard.

4. Also, food comas make a great excuse for not quite making sense.

5. Lastly, assuming that I did make sense above, what benefit food comas provide is in wiping your mental state clean.  Just as I can wake up in the middle of the night and be paralyzed by an imaginary fear of a roomful of spiders next door (thanks to a nightmare) or a very real fear of death (misplaced and out of context) AND go to sleep instead of wallowing in said fear(s), the food coma forces my mind to stop thinking about, for example, an agent who has my full manuscript and who I’d really, really like to like my work enough to represent it.

You might be asking yourself, Yes, okay, the Food Coma™ worked for you, but will it work for me?  What has food done for me lately?

And I will be tempted to offer you slices of well-cooked turkey or tasty, tasty tofu (depending on your preference) and let Food Coma™ do the talking.

All I can say is that when my thoughts start running in a circle, I need a distraction.

All Food Coma™ can say is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

P.S. In non-Food-Coma™-related news, tomorrow I actually will talk about what I’ve learned through revising GOD’S TEETH.  Unless the turkey gets to me first.

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One Response to On Food Comas and Other Distractions for Your Brain

  1. Brendan says:

    I read your title as “food commas,” and spent the first two paragraphs wondering if there was a form of comma-based punctuation I was previously unaware of. Alas, this is no “Oxford comma” for gourmands, but a simple misreading on my part. You disappoint me.

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