Patent Pending: The Infinite Library

Are you tired of your library being filled with BOOKS!

Well, tire no MORE with The Infinite Library!

Didn’t you hear me?  I said,


Have you ever wondered why bookshelves?  Exactly!

Have you ever considered that books are simply the reanimated corpses of trees and that, at any moment, they might rise up, develop a taste for brains, and zombie our eyes out?

Have you ever tried to rip a book in half without opening it up first?

And libraries?  Really.  Who needs them?


To be more specific, you need this one.

But what is it? you ask.  Why that looks just like a paperback book? you say.  Did you steal that from my bookshelf? you wonder.  That can’t possibly be what I think it is, you surmise.

But it IS!

It is The Infinite Library.  It is your ever-portable, easily-readable, incomparably-containable, readily-digestible, infantilizingly-comprehensible, book to end all books because it is indeed not a book, but a library inside a book.

Or to put it more koaningly, every book is not this book, but this book is every book.

But how do we do it?

Space age plastics, my friend, paired with computer age liquid processor technology that allows the world’s strongest supercomputer to be contained within a hundred odd sheets of paper-thin plastic.  And the cover, oh, the cover contains a fully functional desktop as well as a foldout keyboard and various ports for all your plug-in needs.

But how does it work?

A good question, sir and/or madame, a good question, but ultimately irrelevant, because what matters is that the supercomputer is there in The Infinite Library and it has access to any and every book you might possibly want to read, all for the low, low price of—

But perhaps you’re right.  After all, the customer always is.

Here’s the non-proprietary skinny.

The Infinite Library looks exactly like a paperback book, but when you choose to read a book on the library, it adopts the cover of the book and all the inside information so that it looks exactly like the book you want to read.  In all important respects, it is.

Of course, of course, there are only a hundred physical pages in The Infinite Library, but the supercomputer (who is really your one-and-only friend) adjusts the pages of the book your reading to the pages in the actual book so that, say, when you put the book down for a moment to go get a snack, the pages in The Infinite Library move the text of the actual book forward and Voila!

And, yes, if you find that confusing, the truth is that that is why we installed the supercomputer in The Infinite Library: To ensure that you reach the end of the corporeal Infinite Library in your hands only when you reach the end of the book that The Infinite Library has become.

Ah, dusty, hidebound, vermin-ridden books, your days are numbered.

And the number is 42.

This entry was posted in Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply