On How to Properly Submit

First, rid yourself of your ego.

Second, try again.  You didn’t try hard enough.  If you are still thinking of yourself as “you” then you have not successfully ratted out your ego and you might also have some identity issues that you need to discuss with your psychiatrist.

Third, rid yourself, again, of your ego.  There is no “I” in submt.

Fourth, humbly read the submission guidelines to the magazine you are planning to submit to.  Follow them.  If you don’t follow them, you will be punished.  Or ignored.  Probably ignored.

Fifth, receive rejections.  Remember, they aren’t rejections of you, they are rejections of your work that you have poured your heart and soul into and now you must pour your heart and soul back into your body because it is hard to live a full and exciting life with neither a heart nor a soul.

Sixth, rid yourself of your ego.  Egos can be hurt by rejections, and the point here is not to get hurt.  Also, to learn what to do better next time.  Also, that rejection is a normal, expected, and accepted part of every submitter’s life.

Seventh, retrieve your ego from where you stashed it.  Writers often have two egos.  One is large and pierce-able, bubble-like, the soft-shell.  The other is small and diamond hard and says, whenever rejection hits, “Shut up.  You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Eighth, find the balance between your two egos.  The first allows that criticism may be valid.  The second allows that, regardless of what anyone says or implies, you will keep writing because this ego has confidence that what you write is good even if no one else does.  Even if what you write is bad.

Ninth, revise according to your inner ego according to the guidelines of your outer ego.  Realize that with all this ego you are becoming somewhat crowded and possibly even egotistical.  If the latter, how would you know?  Most people who are jerks don’t recognize their jerkiness.  It all revolves around a failure to properly see the world and one’s place in it.  What is your place in it?

Tenth, let your egos go.  They have done their part.  They have worked hard.  They are tired.  They are exhausted.  They are no longer any use to you.

Eleventh, give yourself over to someone else.

Twelfth, that is, submit.  Submit again.  Submit again.  There is no end to submission. We submit to the heat and the cold.  We submit to the sun forcing us to see what we’d rather not.  We submit to hunger and to sleep.  We submit to the need for submission.  We submit to the need to hope.

Thirteenth, hope.

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